A note on the cheating, and yes this will be very Barnard-y
I just want to make it clear that I made a mistake, and that I’m disappointed in myself and my actions. Just because I don’t think I’m the one to blame for the cheating doesn’t mean I’m not filled with regret for what I did.
Since the Internet is a-buzz with discussions of boundaries and role models and feminism right now I want to say this: I told the story because I want you to hear me admit when I fuck up. I write about my sex life because it’s nuts and different and I want people to know about my experiences and how I can be a normal girl with deviant sexual tastes. I want you to see that it’s possible for a woman to engage in behaviors that many people find shocking and be proud of it and confident in her choices. I take care to tell you that I use condoms because my (and your) safety is important to me. I have boundaries and lines in place to protect myself but sometimes I make mistakes and this was one of those times.
I’m forgiving myself but I’m also trying to learn from it and figure out how to never let it happen again. What I’ve come up with is this: I find cheaters repellent and I’m disgusted that I slept with someone who I think is repellent. I disrespected myself by doing it, and that’s not acceptable to me. It’s a problem I’m struggling with a lot these days, showing myself the proper respect by not settling for someone who treats me with anything less than what I need to keep my self-esteem in tact.
I’m a work-in-progress. Always.
